Love is Not Black and White

Black man, I blame me.  I listened to my mother when she told me to go to school, get good grades, be smart, and go to college.  She told me to get a degree in higher education and ‘never depend on some man to take care of you.’  So, I listened, I went to school, I got the degree, and landed that job.

I paid attention to the trends with women’s liberation and the movement that taught us to be independent and not submissive.  They moved us out of the home and into the factories, sold us cigarettes and told us we didn’t have to wear dresses and aprons every day.

We got educated, with BA’s, Masters, PhDs and other degrees.  We put off dating and marriage because we wanted to be independent.  All types of government programs were set aside so we could go to school and get an education.  They told us that we had it made, “you’re a double minority so you can go to school almost free!”  I almost became a professional grant writer because of how convenient it was to be a smart black girl.  But while we were so busy going to school to learn about America and finance, the black men in our neighborhoods were being left behind.  You, black man, were introduced to drugs, pimps, and a get-rich-quick lifestyle while we were conjugating verbs and dissecting frogs.  You were dating all of the other girls in the neighborhood so that now if I want to be with you I have to deal with your three baby mamas.

Now we have a huge disparity between our college educated females and our would-be suitable mate: the African American man.  We out-number you, some say, 3:1, while more recent studies show its closer to 5:1.  But it seems like every time I hear a black man’s odds, its 2:1.  Can someone please tell us the truth? If it’s really 2:1, as you say, then why are so many of us single? Statistics stacked with the odds against the black woman say its 70%. Well 70% of black women being single vs. a ratio of 2:1 just doesn’t add up, no matter how many times I try to process it in my mind. More feminist movements lean toward the numbers being at 49%. I don’t care about the numbers, I care if our black men still love us and view us a suitable to mate with.

Tell me, black man, what do you want us to do? We see you choose white women over us, every day.  We grin and bear it, and keep on pushing, even when we know we want to settle down and be married, too.  As a result, we are dating, marrying, and procreating with white men.  And take note, we’re not doing it as often as you are with white women, but our numbers are escalating every year.

So we need to talk! This is a conversation, black man.  The dialogue is open and we want to know exactly how you feel.  Do you love us enough to try and work out our differences, and forge strong family units; or should we just continue on our quest for happiness and, thus, sleep with your enemy?